Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Beauty of Family ~ and How I Became the Family Matriarch

The Beauty of Family ~ and How I Became the Family Matriarch
Last week we had our first family reunion. Sort of. :) My Dad couldn't make it because his wife wasn't well enough to travel. (I really hate the term "step-mother", it has too many negative connotations attached - and this woman is a sweet, wonderful, doll!) Anyway, my sister and nephew came in from Sacramento, CA, and my sons and grandson came in from Clearwater/St. Petersburg, FL. They arrived later in the evening on Wednesday, August 6th and left Sunday, August 10th. My oldest son's 31st birthday was on Friday, August 8th, and was the first one I'd spent with him in years! :) <3

We're a small family, which is why we need to begin to keep ourselves close(r).

I am the oldest, being 3 years older than my sister. But my sister has always been & seemed the "older" sister. Until this visit. At some point in the visit I became the matriarch of the family, something that had never even crossed my mind as a possibility - ever. Yes, I'm the oldest of the 2 of us, but I never felt like it, nor was I ever treated as such, even by our parents and grandparents. I'll admit honestly that I really wasn't the most mature person, so it was justifiably understandable.

But that all changed this past week.

We were always pushed to "go to college, get a degree, get a high-paying job, have a career, blah, blah, blah". She did what she was told and has a great job with a major national company and has been there since graduating from college 31 years ago. She's never been married, only had 2 long-term relationships, and finally had a child (who is 6 months younger than my grandson!) Me? I got a trade (one of several), got married, was a stay-at-home-Mom, divorced, self-employed, re-married, widowed, re-married, stay-at-home-wife, still self-employed, and now semi-retired. Through it all (even since I was as young as 9) I've had the feeling that we live in extraordinary times and that I will be "the one to go to" - for what, I had no idea. I'm beginning to get a clearer picture, and because of my husband and our similar views of things, we bought and are fixing this place up so everyone who comes here will be comfortable and no one will be falling all over everyone else.

When it's just me I rarely cook anything, and when it's just me & my hubby he does all the cooking. I suck at cooking for just 2 people. But give me a crowd and I shine! For example, my youngest son was born 5 days before Thanksgiving, and I still had 22 people over for Thanksgiving dinner! (That was in 1984.) There were only 7 of us last week, but I still "have it"! All meals were cooked by me, all the laundry was kept up so they wouldn't have to take dirty clothes home with them, everything was very orderly. My OCD was in high gear and proved itself very worthwhile. And my sister acknowledged it in such a way that I actually felt her "step down" and "give me the chair". I'm still trying to get used to it, which is why I'm writing about it, so that maybe I'll be able to either come to terms with it or realize that maybe I'm just imagining it. It sure doesn't feel like the latter though, that's for sure!

This is hardly a blog-worthy subject to post about, but when you've been floundering your entire life, asking the Divine to show you what the fuck you're good at, and trying to find a use for what ever that ability is, then writing about it can sometimes make the whole picture a little clearer. Hopefully. So far, not so much. LOL

Well, other than realizing that I am now head of the family, even as scattered to the ends of the country as we are. Something is coming, and I now know with certainty that my family will seek us out and we will become a single cohesive unit all in one place, instead of spread out over the country, where there is no real security. And at such time as this occurs, I will be ready to take on that responsibility. Each will have their own skills and abilities to contribute, but it will be me to which they will come for advice and other subjects of multi-family living arrangements and situations.

I'm still not clear on what other skills I have that will be needed, but at least I know my OCD isn't going to waste! LOL

So, here is my small family. We took this picture on the steps of the church building on our property.

Top step: my sister, me
2nd step: my nephew, my youngest son, my oldest son
3rd step: my grandson (my oldest's son)

The week of their visit, my Tarot Card of the Week was the 6 of Cups. VERY appropriate for the situation of family gathering, happy times, celebrations. This week I pulled the Queen of Pentacles, ALSO very appropriate considering the roll I had while they were here, and the new roll I've now taken on of Matriarch. Perfect for this Crone in her Crone years.

I do believe I will have to do another Croning Ritual for myself. This one will be a bit more specific than the first one. I'll share it once it's done. :)

So y'all go enjoy your families! Find your "place" among them. The family units aren't as strong as they used to be, and it's time to start re-building them. Because that is the only way to re-build all that has been lost in this world. Without family or some kind of family unit, we are all lost.

Blessings to you and your family! :) <3


  1. Love this post! Thank you for sharing the photo of your beautiful family :)

  2. Thank you! I really wasn't sure I wanted to share something that personal. But considering how estranged most extended families are today I just felt that if I shared, then maybe someone else will begin considering their family dynamics and start working toward healing theirs as well. The disenfranchisement of the family unit has been a huge factor in the lack of empathy, respect, concern, and love toward others that has become so pervasive in this world. If each of us brought that back into our own families, then it would spread to those we come in contact with outside the family unit, and on from there. And in time there would be a greater harmony all around. With no one (or very few) feeling and spreading any of this we've lost sight of "how to get along" and how to "agree to disagree", as well as how to actually compromise for the good of all.

    Didn't mean to get on a soap box, but I guess this entire visit has (and is still) impacted my thinking at the moment. :)