Lesson 7: In-Memorium Ideas for Helping to Release the Grief of Mourning
This section contains ideas for memorializing those who have passed, whether a friend, beloved pet or family member.
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Ideas to Consider
Creating
a funeral rite for a pet, friend or family member is a loving thing to
do. Scattering their ashes in a place that was sacred to them is a
beautiful way to honor their spirit. So is planting a tree in their
memory, or making charitable contributions in their name. The ceremony
or ritual should be appropriate to the person (or pet) it honors.
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Anger, Grief & Mourning
Everyone
grieves differently. One weeps, one rages, yet another goes numb. One
culture requires sackcloth and ashes, extravagant mourning, while
another expects a brave face and stoic dignity. All responses to death
are legitimate.
A
man in an Egyptian village lost both his sons in a car accident.
Distraught, he took his rifle outside and fired it repeatedly at the
sky. When asked what he was doing he replied that he was shooting at
God. There is nothing wrong with being angry when someone dies. A
grandmother was so furious with her husband when he died, at 59, that
she ripped up all his photographs. This made her feel better. It is
normal to feel anger at an untimely or unjust death, and this anger must
be acknowledged and dealt with in order that healing may follow grief.
Howling
grief is perhaps the only appropriate response to a child's death. You
can literally write the anger out of your body, even if this means
scrawling "Fuck God," or "It isn't fair" fifty times. Then take that
paper out into the yard and bury it, releasing your anger. To some
people it would make them feel better.
Closure
is needed after a death to complete the grieving and begin the healing.
Closure usually takes the form of a funeral, but not always. In the
case of a murder victim closure may not come until the killer is caught
and convicted. With an accident victim it may not come until the body is
recovered, or the cause of the accident determined and corrected.
Deaths without closure are the hardest to come to terms with.
Note: Ok,
shooting a gun will most likely land you in jail, but I think you get
the idea! And tearing up all the pictures of your loved one may be a
huge regret later, so maybe photocopy them first and tear up only the
copies!
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