Handwriting the Book of Psalms as a BoS

I just came across a forum conversation on my Tapatalk site from six years ago and decided to share it here. I think it may be of interest to many of y'all. :) If you have a view to share, please do so to this post or follow the link to the forum to share it there. Blessings!

Nephthys posted:
In the Wiccan tradition, specifically Gardnerian (I believe...) there is a persistent myth of the "burning times" (which can be debunked in an afternoon with research and math) that insists that modern witches and Wiccans should hand-write their Books of Shadows "just in case". While this justification for a handwritten BoS is not as widely disseminated anymore (I can only think of a couple contemporary authors who still insist on this justification), it gave birth to a new justification in that, while writing out individual spells and rituals, you are charging the work before it is ever performed. In this way, one is basically taking normal words and phrases and turning them into words of power. This got me thinking. The Bible is, by far, the most powerful spellbook in the world. Its words are believed by billions (1/6th of the world's population is Catholic, alone) and read daily. Even those who do not believe still study it (biblical scholars, ceremonial magicians, etc.), so at any given moment all across the world, the words of the Bible are vibrating with power out into the ether. So, that being said, if one were to hand-copy the Psalms or any other part of the Bible, focusing on the uses of the individual Psalms as they are being written, and charging them with the worldwide vibrations, how powerful would that copy of the Book of Psalms become? I have begun copying them as an experiment. If nothing else, it would become an interesting curio for my own collection. But I am interested in feedback, just because. :)

My response:
I think your project sounds like a good one, definitely. They should most definitely have added personal power for you since you'll have them written in your own hand. Great project! Love the idea.
Your statement regarding the "myth of the burning times" however, I do disagree with. While the vast majority of those who were tried, imprisoned, and/or killed as witches, were in fact not, the fact that they were tried, imprisoned, and/or killed is fact. The Wiccans do not hold that those who lived through this tortuous time were all witches, but they do make the statement of "no more the burning times" because of the ignorance of those who attacked and, in essence, murdered these people.
I do not hold to the "covens" that are said to have been all over the place, visited by those from neighboring towns. This would not have happened, as travel was extremely dangerous, and going from your town to a neighboring town was not the norm. Merchants, soldiers, and thieves were about the only ones who traveled from town to town. It would be a rare thing for people of one town to know or have anything to do with those in a neighboring town, which most likely would be at least 10-20 miles away. The average village person would have no reason to do such traveling. Everything they would need could be found on their property or in their village or the nearby woods for hunting.
Wiccans today do not hand write their BoS "just in case". Today it is done for the same reason you want to hand write the Psalms. To bring their own power into the words that mean a great deal to them. They're words, whether copied from old Grimoires, passed down from family or coven members, or newly written by themselves, all hold the power of the Divine. It is all Divine inspired. Yes, the Psalms are very old, but so are the Kabbalah, and the Egyptian spells & writings, and the ancient Grimoires of Abremalin, Agrippa, the Books of Moses, and the Lemegeton Books to name a few, and all are extremely powerful, especially due to their age and the numbers of practitioners & clergy (up until the 14th century) that used them over those centuries. These writings were also believed, when written, to be "charging the word before it is ever performed". The writers may have had specific rites in mind, but then again maybe not. But the Divine power that was inspiring them to write those words is no less than the Divine power that inspires Witches to write their spells & rituals.
Through personal experience, I have worked with many deities, as well as the Divine One Itself. What I found was that the ancient deities who are not called upon as much any more, are very excited to be called upon again. Almost to the point of over-excitement. Like answering the door to find someone standing there that you haven't seen in a very long time, and honestly never expected to see again. That thrill of excitement & joy that is overwhelming. Once the excited greetings are out of the way, then the true visit & communion can begin.
All Gods are a part of the Divine One. Each, like the Saints & Angels of the Christian faith system, have their purpose. And that purpose is to be a comfort and help to those who believe in them. Just because one does not believe in the power of the Saints does not lessen their power, because there are those who do. The same goes for the Gods & Goddesses. Just because Christians don't believe in them does not mean they do not exist, have their place in the realm of the Divine, and are not powerful & helpful and offer guidance to those who do believe in them. Just as their is a mate for every person, so there is a faith system sent by the Divine to those who wish to find & know the Divine. But each in their own way, each coming in on their own Path. There are as many Paths to the Divine as there are people. What is right for one may only be partially right for another, and completely wrong for another. None of which are wrong Paths to take to the Divine, only individual. The important thing is that we find our way to the Divine!!
Strict purists have a hard time, and usually can't grasp this concept.

https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/hoodoorootworkconjure/handwriting-the-psalms-as-a-bos-t297.html

When Faith & Spirituality Change

When Faith & Spirituality Change

How often have you found yourself realizing that you haven't been as diligent in your spiritual life, and you seem to have 'lost faith' in your ability to be faith-full?

I've spent much of the last few years in this type of situation. I used to have a morning ritual, say a charm of cleansing & protection while bathing, have a greeting to my Guides each day, give thanks at each meal. But the last three to four years feel as though I've been very lax in this regard.

There have been spurts of activity, especially when I became consciously aware that I was not being as conscientious as I should be, but overall, my spiritual life has sucked. So, looking back over those years, what changed?

Four years ago, I went to work at a local newspaper and then bought that newspaper two and half years ago. I am bizzz-eeee! To say the least! But yet, I'm not. There is still 'down time' and plenty of time at home when I could still be spiritually active with rituals, spells, and works of all kinds.

There have been plans in the works to do how-to videos. But everyone does those, so why would mine be any different? They wouldn't, they'd just be done by "Granny Tackett." So what. I'm not one for needing my face out on the internet trying to prove whatever it is I know. Besides, I'm far better at writing...probably why I own a newspaper. :D

So, reviewing my spiritual life, has it really "sucked" or has it just changed; morphing with my new life-schedule?

When I bathe, I still recite my charm of cleansing & protection. So, that's good.

I greet my Guides as I watch the sun rise on the far horizon while I feed and care for our farm animals. So, that's a great one!

Everyday when I get to work the woman who works with me always makes sure we pull cards and record it in our Tarot diary on the computer. So, no faltering there.

I give thanks at every meal. So, again, no faltering there either.

Every little 'good thing' that comes my way, I always say, "Thank you" for it. I maintain an "Attitude of Gratitude".

The only thing I don't do as regularly is spell works. Reviewing the 'why' of it, I find that I do, but only as-needed. And I really haven't needed to!

My life is blessed!

I have my Guides who guide me. I have the Creator Who makes sure my needs are met. I have my Deities who remind me when I need to do more. And, I have an Attitude of Gratitude that keeps the blessings flowing toward me.

So, the next time you feel you've been in a slump, mundane or spiritual, stop and take a good long review to figure out the 'why' of it. You'll either find that you are, indeed, slumping, or that it has been so subtly consistent that you didn't realize that it is so much a part of your life that it  'just is".

For bringing this supposed slump to my attention, and helping me to realize that it wasn't actually; I want to thank my Guides, the Creator, and the Deities (i.e. La Muerte & Mother Mary, in particular, and a few who shall remain private).

I hope y'all find that you, also, aren't really in that slump and how truly blessed your life really is! :)

The "Blue" Moon

The "Blue" Moon
Ok, this is a HUUUGGGE subject of contention with me. I really, really HATE misinformation. Yeah, it literally bugs the shit out of me. So I'm going to step up on my soap box for a bit, vent a little, and then let it go...(until next time. ;) )

For all of you who were all excited about the so-called "Blue Moon" the other day - DON'T BE! It's was NOT a Blue Moon!

Some idiot a few decades ago (a "hobby astronomer" - basically, a self-absorbed, know-it-all idiot) made a typographical error and now everyone believes that any month with two full moons in it is a "Blue Moon".

Well, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but that is NOT a Blue Moon.

A Blue Moon is the THIRD full moon in a FOUR full moon season. Every full moon has a name (i.e. Corn Moon, Hunter's Moon, etc.) BUT the third full moon in a four full moon season does not, and the original term 'belewe', which means "betrayer" (because it 'betrayed' the timing in that season), was altered over time into "blue". No, NOT "blue" the color.

So, get over it folks. It's "just another full moon". In fact, it is actually the Harvest Home Feast Moon because the next day (this year) was Lughnasadh/Lammas, and the full moon closest to Lughnasadh is the Harvest Home Feast, because it is the celebration of the First Harvest of the Season. (Obviously, this is for those who celebrate the Sabbats. For those who don't, ignore this last paragraph.)


Now. THAT said, the next REAL "Blue" (belewe) Moon will be on August 18, 2016. Next year. So, you just have to wait another year to experience a REAL BLUE MOON! ;)

Summer Solstice 2016 is June 20th, which is also the first full moon of the summer season. Then, July 19th, August 18th, and September 16th, with the Autumn Equinox falling 6 days later on August 22nd.

June Full Moon Names:
Aerra Litha, Brachmanoth, Honey Moon, Lovers’ Moon, Mead Moon, Moon of Horses, Moon of Making Fat, Rose Moon, Strawberry Moon, Strong Sun Moon

July Full Moon Names:
Blessing Moon, Buck Moon, Fallow Moon, Hay Moon, Hewimanoth, Maedmonat, Meadow Moon, Moon of Blood, Moon of Claiming, Thunder Moon, Wort Moon

August Full Moon Names (in a 3-Full Moon Season):
Barley Moon, Corn Moon, Dispute Moon, Harvest Moon, Moon When Cherries Turn Black, Weodmonath

September Full Names:
Haligmonath, Harvest Moon, Moon When Deer Paw the Earth, Singing Moon, Sturgeon Moon, Wine Moon, Witumanoth

But...because there are 4 full moons that season, this throws off the August full moon names and makes it the "belewe" (blue) moon. The correct names for a "Blue Moon" are: Ancestor Moon, Blue Moon, Hunter’s Moon, Hunting Moon, Moon of the Dead.

And the energies to be called upon during this time are: Communion with the dead, Liberation, Memory, Negative thoughts & emotions released.

Now, NEXT month, September 27th is the full moon AND a lunar eclipse, which is an excellent time to do works for: Change, Full cycle, Harmony, Turning point in life, Union. You can do an entire 29 Day Lunar Cycle's worth of magic during the short time encompassed by the eclipse.

And for a quick FYI: A "Black Moon" is when there are four NEW Moons in a season. These are great for: Banishing, Beginnings, Binding, Exorcisms, Hexing, Negative magic, Revenge, Vengeance. It is an extremely powerful time for any magick workings, but especially any with a negative intent.

Stepping off soap box now!  

Blessings y'all! 

Personal Lessons Offered

Personal Lessons Offered
I have been asked so many times over the years, most of which have been in the last few months, if I offered personal lessons. The answer is "yes", but it's difficult to set a particular time frame for them as I have a part time job at the local newspaper, I'm a board member of our new local farmers' market, and I make crafts to sell at the farmers' market on Saturdays.

But, I think it's time to set the time to offer these lessons. So, I am putting it out there to all y'all to ask several questions:

1) What day(s) work for you? (for me: Tuesday evenings, all day Wednesdays and Sundays)
2) What in particular do you want to learn? (be specific)
3) How long do you want each lesson to last? (i.e. would an hour be good or "as long as it takes"?)
4) Do you want physical materials (emailed lessons/information) as well or would your own notes be enough?
4) Give me YOUR ideas...

My fee is $25/hour with a 1 hour minimum. The lessons would be done via Skype and could be done individually or in conference with more than one student.

Please let me know what y'all think. I really do want to do this, so please email me:

grannytackett@yahoo.com or hoodoohillrootworksupply@gmail.com or via Facebook.

Tarot: Choosing & Using Significators

Tarot: Choosing & Using Significators
A Significator is a Tarot card that is chosen to represent the querent being read for (even if it's yourself). While it isn't a necessary part of a reading, sometimes it can be a good focus for the reader, especially if the person isn't present, such as an e-mail, phone, or video reading.

Some readers prefer to choose a Court card that either "looks" like the querent (such as their physical coloring or their outward demeanor, or their age) - if known: a King for a mature male; a Queen for a mature female a Knight for a young man; and a Page for a child (male or female).

When using a Court card as a Significator, the "coloring" of the people in that suit should also be a considering factor: Coins/Pentacles - fair skin w/ blonde hair (Scandinavian type); Cups - medium skin w/ light brown to red hair (European/American type); Swords - black skin w/ black hair (African/Aborigine type); Wands - dark skin w/ brown to dark brown hair (Middle Eastern/Asian type).

Others prefer to choose from the Major Arcana, calling on the energy of the querent and/or the underlying basis of their question. This is my personal preference, but I also rely on what I'm feeling from and about the client and what their question is, and so may choose a Court card instead.

Choosing from the Major Arcana, the "look" of the person isn't as important as the deeper, inner aspects of the querent are. Are they in a relationship, and have a question about their love life? Use the Lovers card. Are they "artsy" and creative and looking to see how best to use their gifts? Use the Magician card. Are they about to embark on a new path in life? The Fool would work here. And of course, the proverbial finance question? The Wheel of Fortune has always been a good one for me to use. Sometimes in this latter type of question I may use the Emperor for a male or the Empress if a female, and then hope that the Wheel of Fortune comes up in a beneficial position.

So whether you choose a Significator or not is strictly a personal choice, but at least here I've presented a few ideas on how to do so, if you decide to try it out on your next reading. It's all personal preference, and if you find you're not comfortable with it, don't worry about it. How you read is your "style" and it's what works for you. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you "have" to do it in any specific manner. Just relax, read, and enjoy! 

"the Fool" from the Golden Tarot by Kat Black

"Ask, Believe, Receive"

"Ask, Believe, Receive"
These words have become a sort of mantra for me. They're from a show I watched about 'The Secret', which has been both heralded and lauded. From personal experience, I'll believe the "heralded" terminology!

As I've said a few times here, what we want and need is always within our grasp, it's just a matter of our level of belief. Our attitude going in will determine our outcome. If we have doubts, then it won't manifest, or may not manifest as well as wanted.

I've known this fact. I've stated it many times over many years. However, for some stupid reason, I hadn't really integrated it into a knowing concept within myself. So when I saw this show it finally really hit home. I couldn't tell you much about the show itself, but I can tell you that these 3 words hit me like a ton of bricks and took it to heart when they said, to "test it". They said to find something you need or want that is way beyond your means and then give it a time frame. Then everyday to think on it and believe it to be yours.

So I put those 3 words together in a mantra-like phrase, decided what I wanted, set a date (which was about a month later), and then several times a day I envisioned it as being here, reciting the 3-word mantra each time.

Now, everything was going great, no problems whatsoever, then about 1/2 way through the time frame I let "doubt" creep in a few times. I would immediately push it out, but you know what "doubt" feels like - a little "spot" in the back of your mind that says, "HA! You're nuts! It'll never work!" This went on for about 4 days, when I suddenly, and very consciously told that "Doubt" to "FUCK OFF! I will Ask, BELIEVE, and Receive!"

From then on, no more "doubt". Then, on the due-date I had set, WE RECEIVED IT!

So, what was it that we received? What was it I wanted? What was my "test"? I wanted the money to come so my husband could open a machine shop again. And so we are now in the process of doing so.

The only thing that didn't fully work out was the amount we received. My doubt caused this. But that other number was only so we'd have "extra". Which I guess we didn't "need" anyway...it's just always nice to have "extra"! LOL

Having achieved this great goal, I am now working on finding another. I have one in mind, but I have to figure out how I want it to manifest fully first. Once that is completed, then I will begin my "Ask, Believe, Receive" mantra reciting all over again.

So, if y'all are trying to get something, but you're still allowing "Doubt" to hinder you - tell that "Doubt" to take a hike! "See" what you want as already "being", then "Ask" for it and "Believe" it to be yours, and watch for you to "Receive" it.

This is the most powerful "spell" anyone can do.......FOR THEMSELVES!

Those of us who work spells & rituals live this everyday. But even we have "doubt" in the back of our minds at times. It is that doubt which kill or nullifies or diminishes that which we're trying to work, either for ourselves or our clients. When I do works for a client I am putting my belief in my ability to work with the Divine to bring about that which the client wants or needs. But I always have the fear that the client may be working against it all, just through their own self-doubt or doubt in the ability of what ever it is they're wanting, to manifest. We can only do so much for our clients. The clients must understand that they must also do their fair share of the work; they absolutely must BELIEVE that what they want or need is theirs, without a doubt!

That's my rant for the day, but I hope y'all will believe me and take it and try it out. You'll be surprised at your own power at bringing to you that which you want or need. You really DO NOT NEED us! YOU can do it all by YOURSELF - if you only believe it! :)

Try it and see!

Energy Focus with Fractals

Energy Focus with Fractals
I know this is a bit on the "new agey" side, but you'll have to save judgment until you've tried it! And to make it more to your liking, then bring in the Divine Energies of your choice; God, Jesus, Mary, the Saints, the Gods, and/or Goddesses. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that the Divine Spirit's Energies are called upon to aid you in your healing & works.

One of the pages I "like" on Facebook introduced this concept after they found it listed elsewhere online. So I tried it with the fractal they had and was very surprised at the level of relaxation I was able to receive in just that short amount of time. I have always sucked at meditation, but I think that this method is definitely something I can do and thus reap the benefits of 1) meditation, 2) Reiki/energy healing, and 3) general well-being.

So, it goes like this:

Find a fractal in the images on a search engine. The FB page admin preferred triangles due to their high level of energy that emits from them. I agree, but for me, triangles are not pleasing to look at. I do not like their angularity. I like curves. So, I looked through the spiral fractal designs and found more than I could ever begin to use!

I like spirals because they are the symbol of the 5th Element, Spirit, and means "coming into being".

Spirals that turn clockwise (from center outward) are Spirit descending into Man.

Spirals that turn counter-clockwise (from center outward) are Man ascending into Spirit.

Here are some of the Spiral Fractals I found. Most that I found were the clockwise Spirals, far fewer were the counter-clockwise Spirals.

If I am going to do a Reiki healing, then a clockwise, Spirit descending to Man Spiral would be best. I would also probably use a purple/lavender or gold colored one as well, as purple/lavender is the color of Spirit, and gold is the color of the healing Sun. Here's one I found that has both colors, looks like a galaxy with a Sun in the center. Perfect!

For those who are Reiki Practitioners, you can focus your Reiki into the fractal, then use it for meditation or self-healing. For those who are not Reiki Practitioners, you can just focus on the fractal and send the energies into it that you wish to receive from it. You would only have to do this once, and it is then ready for use any time you need it for meditation or self-healing.

If I am doing a work that would involve blending my energies with the Divine's then I would use a counter-clockwise, Man ascending into Spirit Spiral. Depending on the work, I would find a Spiral Fractal in the appropriate color, or one that I just really draws me to it.

This first one below, to me, is perfect for any general work as well as for money & financial gain. The second one below is so beautiful that I would use it for just about anything!

So, as stated previously, the way this works is you send Divine Energies into the Spiral of your choice, through infusing Spirit or sending Reiki into the fractal design. Then, sit comfortably and stare (not forcefully) into the design for 2 minutes at least. Then close your eyes and relax (for at least 5 minutes) letting the energies fill you and do their work.

At the least you will come away a little more relaxed, and at most feeling wonderful with some of your aches & pains washed away! Doing this exercise several times a week will bring about great health & mental improvements.

Lesson 8: Afterlife Quotes, Jokes & Humor

Lesson 8: Afterlife Quotes, Jokes & Humor

Quotes

Life is Hard, and then you Die. -- A Coffee Cup

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. --Albert Pike

If I think more about death than some other people, it is probably because I love life more than they do. --Angelina Jolie

For certain is death for the born And certain is birth for the dead; Therefore over this Thou shouldst not grieve. -- Bhagavad Gita

Fear not death, for the sooner we die the longer we shall be immortal. --Benjamin Franklin

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death. --Betty Bender

Death borders upon our birth, and our cradle stands in the grave. Our birth is nothing but our death begun. --Bishop Hall

What we commonly call death does not destroy the body, it only causes a separation of spirit and body. --Brigham Young

Death is the most beautiful adventure in life. --Charles Frohman

If Easter says anything to us today, it says this: You can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there. You can nail it to a cross, wrap it in winding sheets and shut it up in a tomb, but it will rise! --Clarence W. Hall

If man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live. --Dr. Martin Luther King

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them. --Edward W. Howe

Men fear death, as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other. --Francis Bacon

Death smiles at us all and all a man can do is smile back. --Gladiator (film)

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little. --Gloria Steinem

You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper. -- Grim Reaper's rap from Bill & Teds Bogus Journey

That is not dead which can eternal lie, yet with strange eons, even Death may die. --H. P. Lovecraft

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. --Isaac Asimov

Death ends a life, not a relationship. --Jack Lemmon

Death Valley is neither dead nor a valley. --Jerry Bunin

Make sure to send a lazy man the angel of death. --Jewish Proverb

Nothing is certain but death and taxes. Of the two, taxes happen annually. --Joel Fox

Fear; if allowed free rein, would reduce all of us to trembling shadows of men, for whom only death could bring release. --John M. Wilson

Death (or its allusion) makes men precious and pathetic. They are moving because of their phantom condition; every act they execute may be their last; there is not a face that is not on the verge of dissolving like a face in a dream. --Jorge Luis Borges

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. --Joseph Stalin

Birth and Death are the two noblest expressions of bravery. --Kahlil Gibran

Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, "Did you bring joy?" The second was, "Did you find joy?" --Leo Buscaglia

Death and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them. --Margaret Mitchell

It is foolish to be afraid of death. Just think. No more repaired tires on the body vehicle, no more patchwork living. --Paramhansa Yogananda

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. --Rabindranath Tagore

Our fear of death is like our fear that summer will be short, but when we have had our swing of pleasure, our fill of fruit, and our swelter of heat we say we have had our day. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is just death in drag. -- Renegade Angel (Cartoon Network)

Even at our birth, death does but stand aside a little. And every day he looks towards us and muses somewhat to himself whether that day or the next he will draw nigh. --Robert Bolt

I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not. --Robert G. Ingersoll

Life is eternal and love is immortal; And death is only a horizon, And a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. --Rossiter W. Raymond

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. --Seneca

Be of good cheer about death and know this as a truth--that no evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death. --Socrates

Is death the last sleep? No--it is the last and final awakening. --Sir Walter Scott

I only remember two kisses - the first and the last. The first, with my love and the last, with death. The first brought happiness and the last relief! --Srijit Prabhakaran

The difficulty, my friends, is not in avoiding death, but in avoiding unrighteousness; for that runs faster than death. --Socrates

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent. --The Buddha

Death is well understood, it's life that isn't. --Tony Follari, Comedian

There is no death. No death, only change. Death is but to cease to be the same. --Unknown

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow. --Unknown

One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly. --Unknown

We all labor against our own cure, for death is the cure of all diseases. --Unknown

The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death. --Unknown

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. --Unknown

We all to some extent meet again and again the same people and certainly in some cases form a kind of family of two or three or more persons who come together life after life until all passionate relations are exhausted, the child of one life the husband, wife, brother, sister of the next. Sometimes, however, a single relationship will repeat itself, turning its revolving wheel again and again. --William Butler Yeats, A Vision

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. --W. Somerset

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. --William Penn

For life in the present there is no death. Death is not an event in life. It is not a fact in the world. --Wittgenstein

I'm not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. --Woody Allen

Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is. -- Yoda

************

Jokes

Here, Eat This Root

2000 B.C. - Here. Eat this root. 

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen! Here, say this prayer. 

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 

1985 A.D. - That pill is in-effective. Here, take this antibiotic. 

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. 

************

How many Major Arcana Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

All of them:

0) The Fool has already started before anyone else is ready.

1) The Magician assembles an array of objects that might be needed,

Displays them to best advantage and starts discussing how to go about it.

2) The High Priestess sits in the background, knowing one thing is

Missing but says nothing.

3) The Empress fusses around making sure it is safe and nobody gets hurt.

4) The Emperor tells everyone he thinks it should be done right now

And starts delegating responsibilities.

5) The Hierophant offers advice on the missing part after consulting

With the High Priestess.

6) The Lovers umm and ahh about what wattage bulb to put in this time.

7) The Chariot charges in and starts doing it himself regardless of

The others' protests.

8) Strength surreptitiously places what's needed into Chariot's hands

And gets it done her way.

9) The Hermit suggests a candle in a lamp would provide light in the

Meantime.

10) The Wheel of Fortune laughs and reminds everyone that the light

Will need changing again in the future.

11) Justice works out whose turn it is to change the light and whether

The division of labor is being delegated fairly.

12) The Hanged Man contemplates how darkness can change our lives.

13) Death points out mournfully that this was bound to happen and how

Everything ends.

14) Temperance tells Death to chill out, it all evens up in the end.

15) The Devil tries to make the others take responsibility for causing

 The light to blow and creates bad feelings all round.

16) The Tower suddenly starts ripping out the original light fixture

So he can create a whole new more basic look.

17) The Star marvels at new beginnings and says how much she's looking

Forward to having the light working again.

18) The Moon continually offers conflicting advice, confusing everyone

 Until she wanders off to the relief of all.

19) The Sun wants to redesign the whole room around a much brighter light.

20) Judgment examines the bulb to see whether it truly was its time to

 Blow and ponders whether the bulb can be recycled.

21) The World suggests that any problems with the light are temporary:

 We had light once, we will have it again, and suggests focusing on the

Bigger picture.

Meanwhile, the Fool has already finished changing the light bulb and

Is off doing his own thing.

Author unknown.

************

Humor

A Pagan In Hell

A Pagan dies and, to his great surprise, he finds himself standing before some pearly gates. 

St. Peter asks him, “May I help you??"

The Pagan asks, "Where am I?" 

Peter says, "You're at the gates of heaven." 

The Pagan says, "But I don't believe in heaven." 

Peter frowns at him. "You're one of those Pagans, aren't you?" 

"Yes. I believe I'm in the wrong place; I'm supposed to go to Summerland." 

Peter says, "Sorry. We took over Summerland, and it's temporarily closed for remodeling." 

"What should I do now?" 

Peter says, "Well, since we don't allow Pagans in heaven, you have to go to hell. Sorry. Just follow that path that leads downward and to the left." 

The Pagan walks down to hell, where the gates are standing open. He walks in and finds beautiful meadows, happy animals, and clear streams of water. 

He walks on in and begins exploring, and after a few minutes a courtly gentleman walks up to him and bows politely. "Hello, I'm Satan. You must be the guy that St. Peter phoned me about. Are you a Pagan?" 

"Yes, I am. What's going to happen now?" 

Satan says, "Well, the fishing's pretty good, if you enjoy that sort of thing. There's a little refreshment stand down the road. And I believe the Pagan meeting grounds are right over the next hill." 

Suddenly, a hole opens up in the sky above, and a yawning chasm opens directly underneath it. The stench of sulphur fills the air. Hundreds of screaming, tortured souls drop down into the flaming pit, which immediately closes up with a thud. 

The Pagan, hardly believing what he just saw, asks Satan, "And what was THAT ???"

Satan rolls his eyes. "Oh, just ignore them. They're Christians; they wouldn't have it any other way." 

************

On the Other Side

A Wiccan Priestess dies, and is greeted on the Otherside by her grandmother. 

After being settled in, the Priestess is given the grand tour by the grandmother, who shows her many places and introduces her to many fellow spirits. 

They see Druids cavorting in sacred groves, Norsefolk feasting and fighting in a banquet hall, Buddhists chanting in a pagoda, Native Americans dancing; everywhere the newcomer is made welcome, and makes new friends. 

Then the Priestess and her grandmother came to a large, dark, stone building, within which they hear the sound of singing. “Shhh” said the grandmother, with her finger to her lips, “Be very quiet.” 

So the two tip-toe past, and when they have gone on a little way the Priestess asks about this curious building. 

“Oh” says the grandmother “That’s just the Christians –they think they’re the only ones here.” 

************

You might be a Redneck Pagan... 

If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door.... 

If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg.... 

If you think a goblet is a young turkey.... 

If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse.... 

If you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis".... 

If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13.... 

If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene.... 

If you pronounce "athame" as "athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or "Sam-hayn".... 

If you think a "Sidhe" is a girl.... 

If your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team.... 

If your Bard plays the banjo.... 

If your 'Long Lost Friend' really IS.... 

If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars.... 

If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod.... 

If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head.... 

If you call the quarter by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob".... 

If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!".... 

If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back.... 

If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed whacker.... 

If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun.... 

If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots.... 

If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff.... 

If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21.... 

If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road".... 

If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag.... 

If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle.... 

If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still.... 

If you use an engine block for an altar.... 

If your High Priestess is your cousin - as well as your wife.... 

If, when drawing down the moon, you say, "Ya'll come on down, ya hear?".... 

If your pickup truck has an athame rack....

If your crystal ball made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)....

If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar..

************

Redneck Pagan Charge of the Goddess 

(Tune: The Beverly Hillbillies by E. Scruggs) (Lyrical adaptation by Hare) 

Now listen to the words of the Great Star Mother,

In days long past called by one name or tuther,

"I am your Mammy, Queen of Earth, Air, Fire, Sea,

So you better quit your yappin' an' listen to me."

(Isis, that is...Astarte...Cerridwen)

"When the Moon is full, bright as a silver dollar,

Open up yer winder an give your Mam a hollar.

I'll hear you callin, jest as clear as a bell,

An I'll come a runnin an visit fer a spell."

(Circle, that is...Esbat...Draw down the Moon)

"Now y'all listen up, 'cause I'd hate to be a bitch,

When we have our shindigs t'aint none should wear a stitch.

Y'all will eat an' drink an' dance an' love, to show that you're free,

'Cause all acts of pleasure are sacred to me."

(Skyclad, that is...Great Rite...Cakes an' Wine)

"If you wanna know my secrets, then look in your own hide,

'Cause if what you seek ain't there, well, it won't be found outside.

The greatest Mysteries t'aint really dread nor dire,

I'm with you at the start, and at the end of desire."

(That's right, listen to your heart! Y'all will come back now, y'hear!)